Embracing
Unconventional:
A Manifesto on Square
Pegs and Round Holes
November 14, 2024 | Written by Jen Gerardy
On my business cards, it says I “support unconventional humans to lead deeply fulfilling lives”. Who are these people I support and why do I build inclusive communities full of the delightfully unconventional?
Do you feel like you’re the square peg in a sea of round holes and you just don’t quite fit into the role, relationship, job, or life that has been prescribed for you? Does doing what you’re “supposed to do” or being who you’re “supposed to be” feel like it’s leaving out part of yourself? Does it feel like fitting into “supposed to” means shaving off parts of the wholeness of who you are in order to gain acceptance, connection, or to be liked?
My favorite thing about unconventional humans is that on some level, deep down, there’s some part of you that’s rebelling against the idea that you just need to round off your corners and fit in. There’s some part of you that thinks that your corners are valuable and worthy of being seen and accepted, are important and needed in the world. You don’t want to be a round peg. You want to be your whole wonderful square (or star or triangle or…) pegged self AND have acceptance, connection, and be liked. Not in spite of your corners, but because your corners are important and necessary.
There are very good reasons for trying to fit into the round holes. For most square pegs, trying to let that rebellious part show up on the outside- in relationships or work or public life, brings up fears and insecurities. It touches on childhood experiences and attachment wounds. Sometimes it brings up valid fears for safety. Sometimes it causes discomfort in existing parent, partner, or friend relationships. Learning to navigate the internal experience and the external relationships while bringing deeper alignment with your whole self and how you show up in the world is vulnerable work. That’s why I support unconventional humans. Because when you have space that is skilled and safe, you can’t help but be more you, and I think that’s the most beautiful and necessary kind of growth.
When you deeply internalize confidence in who you are, that your unconventionalities are your strengths, and that you have unwavering support, you stop suppressing, hiding, minimizing, or invalidating parts of yourself or your identities. You can’t help but show up in the world, in your work, your passions, and your relationships with authenticity, joy and connection. You experience feeling joyful, grounded, and fully present in your life. You experience relationships that are fulfilling and connected, in which your boundaries are respected and your needs are met. You experience alignment with your most deeply held values and passions in every decision, interaction, and moment of your days.
I’ve felt like a square peg most of my life. Some of the reasons are because of my marginalized identities, but some of the reasons are just because I’m… me. I spent a lot of years trying to fit into round holes. It sort of even worked, but it never felt right. The journey to embracing myself fully and authentically as a square peg took me through healing insecure attachment, generational trauma, social stigma, and unhealthy patterns of relationship. I also had to learn a lot of new skills and tools for communication, self regulation, and boundaries.
Not only do I very definitely not try to fit into any round holes anymore, but deeply knowing and embracing myself has become the strength that helps me find the relationships and spaces in which I can thrive. My relationships feel connected and grounded. I’m deeply passionate about my work and hobbies and I find fulfillment in every day. My life is full of joy, and even when life is hard I never question whether I have unconditional support to fall back on.
Every day, I help unconventional humans find that same feeling of compassionate, judgement free, joyful support. I help unconventional humans at any stage of the journey toward deep self knowledge, meaningful relationships, healing, and thriving- corners intact. I help unconventional humans learn the tools and skills to live in the world fully and authentically.
The world needs us. The world needs our unique perspectives and identities. Not only do unconventional people thrive when we can embrace and embody our whole authentic selves, but the world thrives too. We’re building a community and igniting a movement that values and supports all parts of us, and you are welcome here.