Panic!

At the Business Launch

October 1, 2024 | Written by Jen Gerardy

I've been waiting for this day for several weeks. The day my business cards and stickers get delivered and I get to "officially" launch my business publicly. Here they are and... first reaction, absolute panic.

Ah! It's actually here and I have to put something dear to me out in a way that feels very vulnerable. I thought I was ready, I'm definitely excited, but here come all of my insecurities about whether I'm good enough, or too much, or wrong, or if putting myself out authentically into the world will result in pain.

You might be reading this, surprised that I experience those doubts and insecurities given the work I do and how long I've been doing it, and that's why I decided to write about it. I think it's important for you to know that I'm not perfect, I never will be, AND my experience of my struggles is very different from what it was a decade ago. Or even a year ago.

If you're an auto mechanic, does that mean your car never breaks? If you're a doctor, does it mean you never get sick? Of course not! Maybe it means you know more about prevention and your car breaks or you get sick LESS (or maybe not). Hopefully, it means that when your car breaks, or you get sick, you know what to do about it or how to get help and the experience is less overwhelming or stressful than it might otherwise be. Adversity happens. Life happens. Stuff goes sideways.

I have a lot of skills and experience, but I'm also still me and I still have all the old internalized narratives about myself, even if they don't show up as often in my day to day life. Let's go through some of the ways that my skills and experience helped me navigate my reaction to my business cards arriving.

1. Realizing It's Happening
This might seem obvious, but it's really easy to just react to a strong emotional experience without even realizing it or connecting the dots of the thing that happened, the emotional experience, and the reaction. In this case, almost as soon as I had a panicked feeling I was able to notice that I was having a strong and unexpected reaction.

2. Naming The Experience
The next step was naming for myself what I was feeling and experiencing. I noticed my stomach clench. My heart rate speed up. I named for myself the feelings of anxiety and fear.

3. Giving Myself Choice
In this moment, I'm an adult. I have choice. I actually don't have to ever hand out a single business card. No one needs to know about this. There's no pressure, there's no force. I get to decide.

4. Reaching Out For Support
I took this goofy photo of myself with my cards and stickers, and texted it to several people I knew would be excited and supportive, and who could hear and validate my mixed feelings- my mentor, partners, colleagues, and close friends.

5. What Do I Need?
In this moment of distress, what did I need? Not to force myself to do the scary thing, but to give space to my experience and figure out how I wanted to move forward. I gave myself a pause for the night, allowing myself to focus on taking care of myself and getting support instead of jumping right in. I reviewed my plans, both for putting my work out into the world, and for caring for myself in the feelings of vulnerability that come with that.

6. Moving The Energy
I could recognize that my body was really activated- specifically, I was having a flight response, and that energy needed to go somewhere (since running away from my business cards wasn't actually an adaptive strategy!) For me, moving the energy works best when I do something that uses my brain and my body at the same time- in this case, I went to a ballet class.

7. Reaching Understanding
Later, after my body was calmer and I had given myself some time and space, I could get more introspective and get curious about WHY I had this reaction. I could recognize and acknowledge all the internalized stories and patterns. I could bring compassion and gratitude to why those stories are in me and how they helped me get through painful experiences in my life when I didn't have the skills and support I have now. I could differentiate that those stories are not reality, and they aren't helpful anymore.

8. Choosing My Next Steps With Intention
Lastly, having made room for all aspects of my experience to come up, be heard, and have space, I could contemplate "What now?" What is true for me in present time? One thing that is true is that I'm passionate about my work and I believe my work can help people, and that the driving purpose of my life is to move the world toward more thriving, community, connection, and joy. Another truth is that I value vulnerability, authenticity, and honesty and I want those values to determine how I show up in the world. It's also true that I have skills and support to navigate whatever challenges may come up, and that I don't need to borrow future pain by stressing about things that may or may not happen.

With this grounding in my convictions and my deepest understanding of myself, I took a step out into the world and posted my business card on the community board at my ballet studio.

It's official, I'm out there in the world now, in vulnerability and in strength.

What might have once permanently derailed my goal of working for myself, doing work that fulfills me and does good in the world is now a one evening wobble. Today, I'm joyfully on the path again, with even more conviction, resolve, and motivation for having had that wobble.

What skills or support would you like to see in place to help you navigate your next wobble?

Schedule a free 20 minute consult with me and let's talk about how I can support you to live in alignment with your values, goals, and authentic self!

These steps follow the ARCH (Acknowledge, Resource/regulate, Connect the dots/complete stress cycles, Heal) method developed by my mentor, Rebecca Thompson Hitt, founder of The Consciously Parenting Project.